Easy To Kill
By jackie ruzas
The door,
I can see its molding if I scrunch in the
left corner of my cell
and peer through the bars to my right.
Each morning I awake
one day closer to death.
The prison priest, a sometime visitor,
his manner warm, asks
“How are you today? Anything I can do for you, son?”
“Is it just that I’m so easy to kill, Father?”
His face a blank, he walks away.
Play my life back on this death cell wall,
I wish to see my first wrong step.
To those who want to take my life,
show me where I first started to lose it.
Madison County, 1975
I can see its molding if I scrunch in the
left corner of my cell
and peer through the bars to my right.
Each morning I awake
one day closer to death.
The prison priest, a sometime visitor,
his manner warm, asks
“How are you today? Anything I can do for you, son?”
“Is it just that I’m so easy to kill, Father?”
His face a blank, he walks away.
Play my life back on this death cell wall,
I wish to see my first wrong step.
To those who want to take my life,
show me where I first started to lose it.
Madison County, 1975
Prison writer, Jackie Ruza developed a heroin addiction at the age of 18, which instigated his first arrest for auto theft and possession. He spent nine months in a hospital rehabilitation program where he met worse criminals who took him under their wing. He was sentenced to 5 years in prison after being caught holding up a store with a starter pistol. After a year of being clean upon release he robbed a jewelry store with three other men, which lead to a highway shootout, where he shot a state trooper. He managed to spare the death penalty but received life imprisonment in New York's Wallkill State Prison. He is an avid writer and has since won many awards for his short stories and poetry.
"Easy to Kill" encompasses the theme of bargaining as Ruzas wonders where he lost his footing that led him to his prison cell. A door is usually a symbol of an entrance to somewhere or something new, however the fact that he can only get a small glimpse of the door from his cell, signifies his lack of autonomy; he is stuck. He senses his own decay and dispensability and expresses feelings of dejection. He wishes his life could be played back to him like a movie so that he could see the moment he went wrong.
Source: Prison Writing in 20th-Century America, page 257
"Easy to Kill" encompasses the theme of bargaining as Ruzas wonders where he lost his footing that led him to his prison cell. A door is usually a symbol of an entrance to somewhere or something new, however the fact that he can only get a small glimpse of the door from his cell, signifies his lack of autonomy; he is stuck. He senses his own decay and dispensability and expresses feelings of dejection. He wishes his life could be played back to him like a movie so that he could see the moment he went wrong.
Source: Prison Writing in 20th-Century America, page 257